The Greatest Hits of RAOUL XEMBLINOSKY III

Nithling Nikki
R. Xemblinosky/P. Nelson

I knew this guy named Nikki
Guess U could say he was a net kook
I found him in a UseNet newsgroup
He was praying 2 a comic book
I said "Buddy, U should get a life"
But that made him pissed
And Nikki started 2 whine

I went into his newsgroup
I couldn't believe my eyes
All sorts of bombs and swasties
Rubber helmets of every size
He said "Dood, I'm gonna KIK YER BUTT"
But that made me laugh
And Nikki started 2 whine

Nikki!

The newsgroup started flooding
Abuse at Alt Dot Net
All the bad things they would do 2 me
There were gigabytes of threats
They said "Roger's gone 2 far this time
Show him no mercy or
Or we'll sho'nuff sho'nuff show U how we can whine"

Nithling Nikki!

I heard back the next morning
Caputo wasn't scared
He warned me not 2 crosspost cascades
Besides that he didn't fucking care
He said "Vjikings can be so refined
U can bring the cheese
And they'll deliver the whine"

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The Toms River Wereboobies
R. Xemblinosky/B. Hatchett/P. Henning

Listen to the story of a dork named Jim
Fat, drunk, unemployed - everybody laughed at him
Early one morning he was playing with his dick
And he got his lazy ass bitten by a tick.
Lyme Disease! Disability!

Well the next thing you know, old Jim is going nuts
Sleeping in a dog bowl, sniffing other werewolves' butts
The cops said "Jim, the dog pound is the place you oughta get"
So he packed up his act and he took it on the Net.
AHWW! Therianthropy!

Now it's time to say goodbye to Jim and both his fans
He's got some compact disks he hopes you'll take off of his hands
He'll even take a couple bucks off the asking price
If you make a promise that you'll treat him nice.
Flame wars, that is. Set a spell, have a P-shift.

I'm writing your postmaster, you hear?

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Pjaint A Swastie And Run
R. Xemblinosky/S. Miller

This here's a story about Rorik and his buddy Dirk
Two fake vikings tho' combat they did shirk
Just sit around the house, swill piss, and go berserk
Here's what happened when they got down to work
Dirk was sobbing "Roger sure offends me:
Won't somebody rise up to defend me?"
Rorik said "Just post me his addy:
So's I can paint a swastie and run"

Go on, paint a swastie and run
Go on, paint a swastie and run

Now Fluffy Cat is the Lord High Meower
Over all Usenet he has total power
He ain't gonna put up with those two cowards
He just can't stand netcop blowhards
Dirk started first - he "outed" Flaagg and ran away
Rorik called a lawyer and split the same day
Their newsgroup's fucked
but hej! they got away
With their IRL shit and they're still running today
Singin'...

Go on, paint a swastie and run
Go on, paint a swastie and run
Awooooooooooooooooooooo, Thor!
Go on, paint a swastie and run.

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Shiftin' Fool
R. Xemblinosky/F. Zappa

Don't know much about shiftin'
That's why I wrote this here
All of my life I been tryin' to get rid of
The fat slob in my mirror
I wish it'd finally happen
'Cause I'm practically crappin'
I try to P-shift every night
Hopin' some day I might get it right
I'm a shiftin' fool, I'm a
Shiftin' fool
I see that moon, I hop around like a loon
But I'm a total goon 'cause I'm a
Shiftin' fool, I'm a
Shiftin' fool

The werewolves here are stuck up
Like their shit don't stink
They sneer at everything I write
'N' say I need a shrink
When they see me postin'
They tells their filters "kill"
They takes a hike while I make like
A jagged little Biil... I'm a
Shiftin' fool, I'm a
Shiftin fool
I'm still the same
'N' that's so lame
I'm still the same
'N' that's so lame
I'm still the same 'n' that's so lame
I'm still the same 'n' that's so lame
I'm still the same 'n' that's so lame
I may be totally lame but I'm a
Shiftin' fool, I'm a
Shiftin' fool

MEOWSA, MEOWSA, MEOWSA

I got it all together now
With my very own furry suit, hey
My mouth's wide open to show my false fangs
Hey Kamatu, ain't I cute?
I am a real werewolf
That's what I hope you will say
So post your little post
'N' flame your little flame
While I howl the night away... I'm a
Shiftin' fool, I'm a
Shiftin' fool
I may be totally lame but I'm a
FOOL... yeah

Hey, darlin' ...can I show you my werecard?
Lookin' for a little action? Here's some action...
Wait a minute, I know your phenotype
Huh?
Yer a MEOWER?
Got your E-mail. Think it had a virus.
HELP! FBI!

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MALDEN
R. Xemblinosky/D. Byrne

EVERYONE IS TRYING TO GET TO THE GROUP.
THE NAME OF THE GROUP, THE GROUP IS NAMED MALDEN.
THE GANG AT MALDEN MAKES MY FAVORITE SOUND.
THEY MAKE IT ONCE AGAIN, THEY MAKE IT NICE AND LOUD.

MALDEN IS A PLACE WHERE MEOWING ALWAYS HAPPENS.
MALDEN IS A PLACE WHERE MEOWING ALWAYS HAPPENS.

THERE IS A CASCADE, EVERYONE JOINS IN.
EVERYONE WILL MEOW AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT NOTHING AT ALL
COULD BE SO ARTISTIC, COULD BE SO MUCH FUN.

MALDEN IS A PLACE WHERE MEOWING ALWAYS HAPPENS.
MALDEN IS A PLACE WHERE MEOWING ALWAYS HAPPENS.

WHEN THIS MEOW IS OVER, IT WILL START AGAIN.
STAN CLAIMS IT'S NOT ANY DIFFERENT, THAT IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT NOTHING AT ALL
COULD BE TERMED ABUSIVE, COULD BE UDP'ED.

MALDEN IS A PLACE WHERE MEOWING ALWAYS HAPPENS.
MALDEN IS A PLACE WHERE MEOWING ALWAYS HAPPENS.

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Don't Worry About The UseNet
R. Xemblinosky/D. Byrne

I see the spam that floats across the Net
I see the bots that blow the spam away
They blow the spam over by the newsgroup
I pick the newsgroup that I want to meow in

I smell the cascades and the Trolling FAQ
I see the spammers who live to crosspost
That's the crosspost that leads to the newsgroup
I pick the newsgroup that I want to meow in

It's over there, it's over there
My newsgroup has every convenience
It's gonna make trolls easy for me
It's gonna be easy to post cascades
I will meow with all of the fuckheads

Fuckheads, fuckheads, visit the newsgroup,
get your laptop, dial up, log in and see me
I'll be meowing, meowing, but if you come visit
I'll put down what I'm doing, fuckheads are important

Don't you UDP me
I hope you don't UDP me
Don't you UDP me
Don't you UDP me

I see Stan K. and his fake consensus
I see Guy and Windigo howl for a UDP
I think of the netcops we all call our favorites
I think of how SPUTUM is working for me

Some Cabal servants are nothing but fuckheads
They flame and troll but claim that it's not wrong
I'm a lucky guy to have such a newsgroup
We all need newsgroups to help us along

It's over there, it's over there
My newsgroup has every convenience
It's gonna make trolls easy for me
It's gonna be easy to post cascades
I will meow with all of the fuckheads

Fuckheads, fuckheads, visit the newsgroup,
get your laptop, dial up, log in and see me
I'll be meowing, meowing, but if you come visit
I'll put down what I'm doing, fuckheads are important

Hey Stan, UDP me
I hope that you UDP me
Won't you UDP me
Can't you UDP ME............

Don't you worry 'bout ME........

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The Big UseNet
R. Xemblinosky/D.Byrne

I see the groups,
I notice the nice folks
I hear their stories.
I hear their clean jokes.

There's rmt-a, nice music down there.
I see the teens.* and the talk.* groups where the kids are.
Neat games to play: Fin'l Fantasy and Mecha.
Also alt.gothic, for later in the evening.
Then we come to rec.disney.*, and the shiny happy areas.
And I have learned how these groups work together.
I see the traffic that passes through them all.
And I have learned how to look at these things and I say...

I wouldn't post there if you paid me.
I couldn't post like that, no sirree!
I couldn't post the things those decent people do.
I couldn't post there if you paid me to.

I guess it's useful, I guess their posts aren't spam.
I guess they only say "hi" to their neighbors and friends.
They're having a party in alt.pub.kacees
Look at them boogie: I hope they catch a disease.

They sleepwalk through their real lives
The bloody fucking bores
They've never heard of DADA
But the net's theirs to roam
And I say ...

I wouldn't post there if you paid me.
I couldn't post like that, no sirree!
I couldn't post the things those decent people do.
I couldn't post there if you paid me to.

I'm tired of looking out for netcops and Kalischs.
I'm tired of performing, I've got to be somewhere.
It's not even worth meowing
About those people out there.

Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow
Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow

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Biily, Don't Be A Lamer
R. Xemblinosky/Murray/Callander

The flamers all paraded through UseNet
The wannabes limped on behind
Everyone laughed to see Biily Palmjob
Begging to go and join the line

And from her ass the turds a-droppin'
Biil's faithful sheep Zenobiaa
Bleating away as if she were crying
And everyone could hear her baa
She baaed:

Biily, don't be a lamer
Don't do something that you'll rue
Biily, don't be a lamer
Come back and make me your ewe!

As Biily started to scram
She said Biily, think of our lamb!
Biily, don't be a lamer
Stay here with me!

The flames began to spread over UseNet
The insults reached a fever pitch
Everyone going at it but Biily
Who lay face down inside a ditch

And when he dared to pick his head up
To gaze upon the fearsome sight
He saw a Typo-Pouncing Greaser
And immediately died of fright

Biily, don't be a lamer
Don't do something that you'll rue
Biily, don't be a lamer
Come back and make me your ewe!

As Biily started to scram
She said Biily, think of our lamb!
Biily, don't be a lamer
Stay here with me!

I heard that Zenobiaa got an E-mail
That told how Biily bit the bag
The E-mail said that he was a lamer
The UseNet's most pathetic gag

I heard she forwarded that E-mail
...to JORN!

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Dead, Dead Gareth Slinn
R. Xemblinosky/J. Croce

Well there's a place called alt dot evil
That claimed to be the depths of sin
And if you went down there
Folks laughed and said prepare
For a twit named Gareth Slinn

Now Slinn thought he was brilliant
And he thought he was the soul of wit
All the Head Fucked Wankers
Called him fearless leader
All the rest just called him shit

   Now he's dead, dead Gareth Slinn
   Deadest loon in the whole damn bin
   Deader than old JFK
   And guaranteed to stay that way

Now Gareth had delusions
He was trained to box with kicks
He could kill, he'd say
In a hundred ways
But he'd rather smoke your dick.

He had a pal named Thomas Harden
He had a pal named Deaddy Zues
He was a big time fan
Of Andrew Cunanan
He dug George Michael, too.

   Now he's dead, dead Gareth Slinn
   Deadest loon in the whole damn bin
   Deader than old JFK
   And guaranteed to stay that way

Well, one time 'bout a year ago
He dropped into ALS
Despite the fact that he knew
ALS was off limits
Swore he'd make that place a mess

Well, Nemo tried to use reason
Nemo tried to ask him nice
But Gareth Slinn would learn a lesson
'Bout a-messin'
With a badass who don't ask twice.

   Now he's dead, dead Gareth Slinn
   Deadest loon in the whole damn bin
   Deader than old JFK
   And guaranteed to stay that way

Well, Nemo went and nuked him
And he made sure Slinn was screwed
All Gareth had left was
A cardboard placard
Saying "I WIL WROK FOR FOUD!"

   Now he's dead, dead Gareth Slinn
   Deadest loon in the whole damn bin
   Deader than old JFK
   And guaranteed to stay that way

   Yeah, he's deader than old JFK
   And guaranteed to stay that way...

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Are You Ignorable?
(R. Xemblinosky/J. Hendrix)

If you can just get your shit together
Then come to the Nose a while
We'll cascade and then we'll
yell out "Fuckhead!"
from the depths of the great killfile
But first, are you ignorable?
Have you ever been ignorable?
Well, I am.

I know, I know, you'll probably scream and cry
that your ISP won't let you post
But who in those net abuse groups,
are you tryin' to prove to that you
can't meow and don't know how?
So, are you ignorable?
Have you ever been ignorable? 
Well, I am.
Uh, let Timmy show it to you, yeah.

A Plonkomatic I can hear in the distance
I think it's callin' your name
Crying out "Here comes NoCem,"
and you're fried, ha-ha, if you just
sign up in our band.
Ohhh, but are you ignorable?
Have you ever been ignorable?

Not necessarily spam, but shootable...

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Becky and Stan
(R. Xemblinosky/J. Mellencamp)

  Little ditty about Becky and Stan
  Two American kids with a red-ass for spam
  Becky gonna make the cover of F&SF
  Stanley wanna be a poster boy for Unicef.

  Whining to postmasters, e-mailing ISPs
  Becky's sitting on Stanley's... porch
  Her yap's flapping in the breeze.
  Becky say "Hey Stan, this is boring
  Let's throw some UDPs;
  Wander on down to the Nose
  And we'll do what we please."
  And Stanley say...

    Oh yeah spam goes on
    Long after the Nosers and Meowers are gone
    Oh yeah say spam goes on
    Long after the Flamers and Flonkers are gone, they spam on

  Stan sits back reflects his thoughts for the moment
  Scratches his head and does his best Don Knotts
  Well you know Becky, did I miss some cascades?
  Becky says "Baby, you give me the bots."
  Stanley say a...

    Gonna let it rock
    Let it roll
    Fire up those cancelbots 
    And go on patrol
    Throw down those UDPs as long as we can
    Consensus coming real soon
    No more cascading then!

  Little ditty about Becky and Stan
  Two american kids with a hard-on for spam...

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"NETCOPS"
(R. Xemblinosky/D. Jones)

  I
  I will be Stan
  And you
  You will be Chris
  Though nothing
  Drives cascades away
  We'll UDP them
  Just for one day
  We can be Netcops
  Just for one day

    And you
    You can write bots
    And I
    I'll forge all the time
    We've got consensus
    And that is a fact
    We are consensus
    And that is that

  Though nothing
  Nukes cascades forever
  We'll pull their plugs
  Just for one day
  We can be Netcops
  And be famous together
  What d'you say?

    I
    I wish you could whine
    Like the werewolves
    Like werewolves can whine
    Though nothing
    Nukes cascades forever
    We can LART them
    And be famous together
    Oh we can be Netcops
    Just for one day

  I
  I will be Stan
  And you
  You will be Chris
  Though nothing
  Drives cascades away
  We can be Netcops
  Just for one day
  We'll be Badasses
  Just for one day

    I
    I can remember
    Zapping
    Damn Raoul
    2-Belo, Beauregard and Spark
    And we laughed
    As though rid of those fools
    All the blame
    Was on the other side
    Oh we sure beat them
    We got famous together
    We became Netcops
    Just for one day

  We can be Netcops
  We can be Netcops
  We can be Netcops
  Just for one day
  We can be Netcops
  They are spammers
  And consensus supports us
  Maybe we're bluffing
  But they better go 'way
  We'll make UseNet safer
  Just for one day...

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Zuessy's Got A Sweatsock
(R. Xemblinosky/P. Townshend)

Zuessy's got a sweatsock he keeps in his bed
And he humps that sucker 'till his pud turns red
'Cause he screws it all night
'Till the dawn's early light
Zuessy's got a sweatsock, Harden doesn't sleep at night!

Well, poor Biil can't sleep, Billbert T. won't eat
Gaweth tears his hair at the constant beat
As he screws it all night
'Till the dawn's early light
Zuessy's got a sweatsock, Harden doesn't sleep at night!

   He goes "Herby!  Come on and sock me!
   Come on and sock me like you do!
   I'm so in love with you!
   Zuessy's got a sweatsock
   Harden doesn't sleep at night!

   Zues goes in and out, and in and out
   And in and out, and in and out

And he screws it all night
'Cause the feeling's so right
Zuessy's got a sweatsock, Harden doesn't sleep at night!

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My Zenobiaa
(R. Xemblinosky/B. Averre/D. Fieger)

Oh, my little wooly one, wooly one
When you gonna give me hair pie, Zenobiaa?
Oh, you make my boxers run, boxers run
Oozing down the side of my thigh, Zenobiaa!

     Never gonna stop
     Do it till we flop
     Such a sexy sheep
     Always get it up
     All the time
     No it's not a crime
     My-y-y-y, woo!
     M-m-m-my Zenobiaa!

Come a little closer girl, closer now
Lemme get a hunk of your fleece, Zenobiaa!
I'm so glad you're not a cow, not a cow
How's about a little piece, Zenobia?
     
     Never gonna stop
     Do it till we flop
     Such a sexy sheep
     Always get it up
     All the time
     No it's not a crime
     My-y-y-y, woo!
     M-m-m-my Zenobiaa!

When you gonna give your Biil, give your Biil
It gets me hot when you bleat, Zenobiaa!
I'll be nice, swear I will, swear I will
Feed you every inch of my meat, Zenobiaa!
   
     Never gonna stop
     Do it till we flop
     Such a sexy sheep
     Always get it up
     All the time
     No it's not a crime
     M-m-m-my Zenobiaa!
     M-m-m-my Zenobiaa!
     M-m-m-my Zenobiaa!
     M-m-m-my Zenobiaa!

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Cunanan's Sock
(R. Xemblinosky/R. Dwight/B. Taupin)

Zues remembers when he was young
He and Cunanan had so much fun
Jerking off and sucking dicks
Had a beat-up trailer where they used to turn tricks
But the biggest kick Zues ever got
Was doing the Wild Thang to Cunanan's sock
While Gareth would be playing with his cock
Zues would hop on and bop it to Cunanan's sock

  Well, Cunanan's sock, it's gross and shocking
  But Zues couldn't get enough
  If he didn't screw it once a day, he'd threaten to play rough
  Oh Lawdy Mama, the shrieks and howls
  As Zues was stirring that poor sock's bowels
  And Gareth and Biilbert ran for towels

But the years went by and the sock wore thin
Cunanan found other guys to stick it in
Zues stands weeping by the washing  machine
Sniffing his own sweat socks and Versace jeans
But he won't forget the kicks he got
Slamming it into Cunanan's sock
Gareth tries, but poor Zuessy cries
Thinking of Cunanan's sock between his thighs

  Well, Cunanan's sock, it's gross and shocking
  But Zues couldn't get enough
  If he didn't screw it once a day, he'd threaten to play rough
  Oh Lawdy Mama, the shrieks and howls
  As Zues was stirring that poor sock's bowels
  And Gareth and Biilbert ran for towels

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I Wanna Sock to Pole
(R. Xemblinosky/J. Jett)

I saw that sock over by the washing machine
It looked like it was a size thirteen
Smelling mighty strong
Captivating my schlong
An' I knew it couldn't be wrong
If I took it with me, yeah me, singin'

  I wanna sock to pole
  Sop a little slime from your Zues now, baby
  I wanna sock to pole
  Gonna do it twice and try for three

It stank so bad I almost had to blow chow
It didn't matter, I knew,
'Cause all I cared was how
Can I get that sock alone, where I could slip it the bone?

An' next I was climbin' on
That sock loved me, yeah me

Next I was climbin' on
That sock loved me, yeah me, singin'

  I wanna sock to pole
  Sop a little slime from your Zues now, baby
  I wanna sock to pole
  Gonna do it twice and try for three

Can I get that sock alone, where I could slip it the bone?

An'  I'll be climbin' on
An' slippin' that socky my dong
Goin' for three, singin'

  I wanna sock to pole
  Sop a little slime from your Zues now, baby
  I wanna sock to pole
  Gonna do it twice and try for three

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Zuessy Fucks Socks
(Xemblinosky/Butler/Iommi/Osborne/Ward)

Logging on late last night
Suddenly, a disgusting sight
Yeah, I downloaded alt.evil and look what I saw
Zues pumping a sweat sock with no shame at all
All right now!

  Yeah, Zuesy fucks socks and you'd better believe me
  Yeah, I saw it, I saw it, I tell no lies
  Yeah, Zuesy fucks socks and you'd better believe me
  I saw it, I saw it, with my own two eyes

  Yeah, Zuesy fucks socks and you'd better believe me
  Yeah, I saw it, I saw it, I tell no lies
  Yeah, Zuesy fucks socks and you'd better believe me
  I saw it, I saw it, with my own two eyes

Then he trolled the Foot Locker; he was feeling lonely
He said "New, used, what do I care?"
Because fucking a sock is all that he can do
Yeah!

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Band With The Runs
(R. Xemblinosky/L. McCartney)

Stuck inside the bathroom
Self-abuse forever
Never having no sex with a chick
Poor Zues, Prophet, Zeueueueueus!

If Harden ever gets out of here
Thinks that he'll give it all away
Move to Key West with Gareth Starley
Have a 69 twice a day if he ever gets out of here
(if he ever gets out of here) 

Alt Dot Evil blew up with a mighty meow
As the Nosers burned it down
And the Head Fucked Wankers whined to themselves
Let's try alt.happyclown!

  Band with the runs, band with the runs
  And Biilbert T. and Gareth Gee
  Recruited ev'ryone
  For the band with the runs, band with the runs
  Band with the runs, band with the runs

Well, the Head Fucked Wankers all began to cry
Seeing no one wanted in
So they packed up shop; they'll be appearing soon
In a nearby loony bin

  Band with the runs, band with the runs
  And Biilbert T. and Gareth Gee
  Recruited ev'ryone
  For the band with the runs, band with the runs
  Band with the runs, band with the runs

  Yeah the band with the runs, band with the runs
  Band with the runs, band with the runs

Well, the Head Fucked Wankers got their asses kicked
Quite clealy, sir, they  lost
To the postmasters they're whining everywhere
But they're going to get TOSed

  Band with the runs, band with the runs
  And Biilbert T. and Gareth Gee
  Recruited ev'ryone
  For the band with the runs, band with the runs
  Band with the runs, band with the runs

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Biilhemian Rhapsody
(R. Xemblinosky/F. Bulsara)

Is Biil a person?
Is he an entity?
Big waste of bandwidth
A true UseNet travesty.

Skivvies all wet, logs on to the net to see
De facto racists, oh how they libel me!
Easy come, easy go: output high, content low
Won't you click on wilhelp?  Won't you pay attention to me?  To Me?

Hausmann just libeled me
Called me lots of hateful names; laughing at my lameassed flames
Hausmann, you louse monkey scum
Watch out, I'll roast your ass away
Hausmann, baaaa!  Did you mean to make me cry?
If I don't make good on my promise
I'll pretend, I'll pretend (tell me, won't you click on wilhelp?)

Too late, to take them back
Every racist word I said, now I wish that I were dead
Goodby, coolie greasers, the Flame Gnat's toast
Gotta leave it all behind for Deja News
Zenobia, ooh,  I hate it when I cry
I sometimes wish I'd never logged on at all

I see a gristy Hausmann hanging upside down
Mealy Rat, Mealy Rat, will you do the MacLennan
Nameless Asshole, Pus Bag, Nora, Crisis, Chuck Lunch, help!
Xemblinosky (Xemblinosky) 
Xemblinosky (Xemblinosky) 
Xemblinosky Cock-a-roach
And 2-Belo!  

I'm just a poor bot, no one can stand me
Biil's just a poor bot written quite shittily
Please pull the plug on this monstrosity
Output high, content low, time for you to go
GruBoursy! No, we will not let you go 
(Let Biil go!) GruBoursy! No, we will not let you go 
(Let Biil go!) GruBoursy! No, we will not let you go 
(Let Biil go!) Will not let you go
(Let Biil go!) Will not let you go (Let Biil go!) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(Oh, kind Sir Fluffy, kind Sir Fluffy) Please Sir Fluffy, let me go.
Stan Kalisch has got a cancelbot reserved for me, for me, for me!

So you think you can flame me and shit in my sty
So you think you'll abuse me and laugh as I cry
Oh, Hausmann!  Can't do this to me, Hausmann
Just gotta get out, just gotta run right out of Dodge.

Won't you click on wilhelp?  Clealy, sir, you see
Can't you click on wilhelp.
Can't you click on wilhelp for me?

No one pays attention...

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Roger Wiseman's Greyhound Men's Room Band
(R. Xemblinosky/P. McCartney)

It was twenty years ago today,
Roger Wiseman forced the boys to be gay
He's been going in and outa their rears
And he's made them into ravin' queers.
So watch out or I'll force on you
The act we've hated all these years,
Roger Wiseman's Greyhound Men's Room Band.

  We're  Roger Wiseman's Greyhound Men's Room Band,
  Disciples of the Bucktoothed Choad,
  Roger Wiseman's Greyhound Men's Room Band,
  Sit back and watch us shoot a load.
  Roger Wiseman's Greyhound, Roger Wiseman's Greyhound,
  Roger Wiseman's Greyhound Men's Room Band.
  It's wonderful to be here,
  But Wiseman's full of crap,
  The dirty goddamn pederast:
  That fucker gave us syphilis,
  That fucker gave us clap.

I don't really want to stop the show,
But I thought you had all better know,
That Wiseman's going to play a song,
On a stickpin that he stuck through his schlong.
So let me introduce to you
The one and only Bucktoothed Choad
And Roger Wiseman's Greyhound Men's Room Band.

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Imagine #2
(R. Xemblinosky/J. Lennon)

Imagine Roger Wiseman
It's not so hard to do
Kneeling in the boys' room
Slurping down some spoo
Imagine all the Cub Scouts
He has done this to!

Imagine Marshall County
A breeding ground for hicks
When they hear how Roger
Gets his seedy kicks
Imagining old Wiseman
Gumming winos' dicks!

Imagine West Vagina
Contagious black lung
No more coal to shovel
So Roger gets by with his tongue
Imagine him paying rent
With free shots at his bung!

We all know Wiseman is a reamer
But he's useful just the same
Where else would the Nose find a patsy
Half as sad or half as lame?

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Hit the Road, Bucktoothed Choad
(R. Xemblinosky/J. Deutschendorf)

 Marshall County, West Vagina
 Rusted trailers, pregnant welfare mothers
 Folks are close there: close as they can be
 "She's good enough for Dad, she's good enough for me."

    Bucktoothed choad, hit the road
    To the place you belong: West Vagina
    There or China
    Hit the road, bucktoothed choad.

 Roger Wiseman dreams about guys
 Greyhound stations, reeking public restrooms
 Cheap and nasty, suck and fuck and run
 Mouthful of stale gism, asshole full of cum.

    Bucktoothed choad, hit the road
    To the place you belong: West Vagina
    There or China
    Hit the road, bucktoothed choad.

 Rog thinks of Gareth when he's reading alt dot evil
 The swear words all remind him of his punk far away
 And beatin' on his meat Rog gets the feelin'
 He don't wanna fuck chicks
 Anyway, anyway!

    Bucktoothed choad, hit the road
    To the place you belong: West Vagina
    There or China
    Hit the road, bucktoothed choad.

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I'm Stan-a-ley The Turd (I am)
(R. Xemblinosky/Weston/Murry)

  I'm Stan-a-ley the Turd, I am
  Stan-a-ley the Turd I am, I am
  I netcopped the cascaders next door
  Think I'll UDP 'em, to make sure
  You'd better not fuck with Stan-a-ley
  STAN-A-LEY!
  'Cos if he doesn't like you, then you're SPAM
  I'm a Netcop Turd named Stan-a-ley,
  Stan-a-ley the Turd I am, I am
  Stan-a-ley the Turd I am!

  Second verse:
  Gets even worse!

(All subsequent verses cancelled as repetitious) 

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Choad-A-Chrome
(R. Xemblinosky/P. Simon)

 When Biil thinks back on all the pud he's whacked since grade school
 It's a wonder he can see at all.
 And though excessive masturbation's clealy warped his mind,
 He can part the hairs upon his palms.

    Choad-a-chrooooooome!
    It gives Biil such nice smooth rubbin'
    He's worn it down to a nubbin'
    Thanks to his jerking off
    Seven times a day...oh yeah
    Biil's got a friend named Thoiguyen
    He sent Biil some pornographs
    keegan, don't take Biil's Choad-a-chrome away!

 If Biil took all the girls he liked back when he liked girls
 And put 'em both together for one night
 He'd sit and hide while they took off their clothes and stuff,
 Take a peek, and then he'd die of fright.

    Choad-a-chrooooooome!
    Biil's rubbed it so clean and shiny
    It's white as his big fat heinie
    Thanks to his jerking off
    Seven times a day...oh yeah
    Biil's got a date with Thoiguyen
    They're gonna look at some pornographs
    But keegan gonna take Biil's Choad-a-chrome away!

 keegan gonna take Biil's Choad-a-chrome awa-a-a-a-ay!
 keegan gonna take Biil's Choad-a-chrome awa-a-a-a-ay!

 keegan took Biil's Choad-a-chrome
 keegan took Biil's Choad-a-chrome
 keegan took Biil's Choad-a-chrome away-ay-ay-ay!
 keegan took Biil's Choad-a-chrome
 Wants to slip Pure Slit the bone (heh)
 keegan took Biil's Choad-a-chrome away-ay-ay-ay!
 keegan took Biil's Choad-a-chrome away!

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